Every once in a while I still travel to speak at various events. This week I am on one such excursion. I have been reminded once again about what I despise about traveling. The top ten reasons I hate traveling are as follows:
1. The "You're such an idiot" look I get from the airline representative when I ask for help while checking in at the self-help kiosk. I guess checking people in is now too much to ask from a real person.
2. The strip search and de-lousing I get at the security checkpoint from a 260 pound 11th grader with pimples.
3. The guy in front of me on the airplane who is constantly readjusting the tilt of his seatback. Somebody should tell him that if he wanted comfort in travel he SHOULD HAVE GONE ON A STINKIN' CRUISE!!!
4. The kid behind me who won't quit humming the Blue's Clues theme song. Man, I hate that dog!!
5. The sight-seeing pilot who feels as if it's necessary to point out every landmark we pass over as if it's an option to exit the plane and take a stroll around Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and then just casually and unassumingly hop back on the Atlanta-bound jumbo-jet when I have had my fill of its immense beauty & grandeur.
6. The stewardess who wakes me up from a dead-digger just to offer me stale crutons and 3 cubes of ice with a drop of Ginger Ale in a cup half the size of a thimble.
7. The fact that I just remembered that I left my cell phone on but it's in my briefcase in the overhead compartment. YIKES....I hope nobody calls me!!!!
8. The 1x1 bathrooms that make it virtually impossible to do your business without feeling as if you need to push the stewardess call button to request a cleanup crew.
9. The turbulence that just popped up out of nowhere right after the flight attendant gives me a scorching cup of coffee......are you sure that sight-seeing pilot isn't just screwing with us?!
10. Being away from my beautiful family.
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